Thoughts on life, love, and the pursuit of balance.
Friday, February 6, 2009
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. -Anonymous
I woke up this morning with a jolt, it hitting me that I have said (out loud, mind you) that I am preparing for an athletic feat involving scaling not one, but several mountains, and that I am not only trying to survive it, but race it!
This morning, the part of me that enjoys more...shall we say...hedonistic activities...caught word of my commitment and said WTF? You're going to WHAT?
I don't know why it took so long for this other part of me to realize my plans, maybe she was a bit in denial. But she is no longer and she is on a mission to abort this little dream of mine.
She knows all my weak spots and makes big digs regarding the facts that I am not particularly athletic and have never raced. Ever. How hard it will be to train with a wildcard 2-year-old and husband gone half the time. She knows how to get to me. She taunts me, plays with my mind, beckons with wine and chocolates, a cozy couch, and food TV.
But the more motivated, healthy, enthusiastic, perhaps a bit annoyingly bouncy and tiger-ish part of me has weaponry of its own. Everything I have ever done that I have been proud of I didn't think I could do. I was scared of it. I didn't know how to do it. But every time I realized if I just jumped in and did it rather than over-think it, I could do it.
My philosophy thus far is that all you need to have is the courage to begin, to throw yourself over that edge, over that cliff of disbelief. Once you are falling, you can figure out the rest. The courage is in beginning.
I know this philosophy is not for everyone. It is kind of extreme. I am kind of extreme. I have spent quite a lot of my life throwing myself over cliffs, so to speak, knowing that once I had begun, I could figure out the rest. But it is a working philosophy and can be applied to all kinds of things. Mostly it requires a lot of faith and the courage to jump.
Today my alter ego made herself known, made her arguments, enticed me with her charms. But even she knows I am already gone; I am already in free fall.
I was raised in a very free-thinking family of great proportions, living a semi-nomadic life between northern and central california, traveling, and often living, in a VW van. I received a BA in Religious Studies and Cultural Anthropology at UCSB, have worked for a wine magazine, and traveled as much as possible. I am now a thirty-three-year-old-mostly-content-stay-at-home-mom living in the Bay Area with my husband, two-year-old daughter, and very energetic Golden Retriever.