Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Painful Epiphanies

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
-Kahlil Gibran

I had my second training session this Sunday. I decided I could go a little faster, push myself a little harder, and I took a third of the stairs two at a time. By the time I got to the top, I was close to throwing up. My legs shaky, my mind numb from the pain.

I pushed through it and tried to run through the breaks from the stairs. I tried to run after the stairs. I could not. Those first two at a time taken stairs had left their indelible mark.

I was not strong enough.

How am I going to run this race without making a fool of myself when I can't even take one flight of the 672-odd steps fast?

The answer to this question is a lesson I have never learned and is crucial for the next phase of my life: to grow naturally a little at a time. A seed does not bear fruit the first day it is planted. Likewise, I will not be strong enough to run all of the Dipsea stairs the second time I train. I will get stronger a little at a time. Naturally.

I had this epiphany a few days later. And, while I am more committed to this race than ever, I am scared. But in that fear of pain, of growing, of trusting myself and my body, of trusting the process of all life and growth, there is great wisdom to be had. I know I am growing in more ways than just physically, through the pain of exertion, I know that I am growing in understanding.

PS--On a much funner note, Yo is having a very fun giveaway! Check it out!


ms. changes pants while driving said...

you ARE strong enough. but, lady, you can't sprint up stairs your first times out! you'll get discouraged.

don't be discouraged. take the stairs one at a time. check your pulse. pace yourself. PACE yourself =)

yaayyy!! another entry into the contest! i'm so excited for the contest. SO excited.

my word verification is "bakfil".

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Yes, one step at a time. You can do it--but it small increments you'll get there! (Getting old is harsh, I agree.)