This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but knew what to do with it.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are back from our latest trip to visit parents and Practical Sis to help my nephew celebrate the big two years old birthday, and we are home now, for good, it seems, at least for a couple of months.
You see, with Patrick's work (construction diver), there is not usually a reliable schedule of where he will be or when, and there is no predicting the future, so we take advantage of time when we have it and live very in the moment. It is really nice, if you look at it the right way, but very difficult on any type of schedule. That is the big reason I stopped working when we had Babou, with Patrick's work being as it is, we thought it would be best if our children had at least one parent consistently there for them. And that would be me. I thought that I would thrive in creating my own schedule and really enjoy the freedom of our lifestyle.
In reality, it is much harder than I imagined. I talk to my sisters, all busy and stressed and find myself envious. That they get to go somewhere and either get paid for their work or see that they are accruing credits towards their goals. Measureable rewards for time spent. My life, I am finding, is quite unmeasureable right now. My goals are difficult to see happening and I have to really focus on creating a structure for myself within which to try to move forward. Homework is not as easy as I thought.
This sort of whiney post is a...to be continued...
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3 comments:
It's a tough thing to honor this kind of work in a capitalist society--money talks, it's what our society values. Staying home for nothing has it's own rewards, but they're not esteemed the same way. I feel that whine, honey, and TOTALLY sympathize with how you feel.
Oh, you KNOW I get this.
It's difficult...this raising kids business and being home. And trying not to lose sense of who you are along the way.
awwww. trust me. there's nothing to be jealous of being like me and I envy you - getting to go to the birthday parties - where I'm the auntie sending a present with a type written message fedex straight from walmart 2 weeks late. Plus, I made practical sis feel even less enviable when I told her the other day "sometimes I just hate my life and am so exhausted when I fall asleep, but then I think... well at least I'm not you and there won't be a baby crying and waking me up shortly." She's like "um was THAT supposed to make me feel better?"
oops. I'm very offensive this week.
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