Spring Hike

No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow.
-Proverb

Today Babou and I went hiking. It was beautiful. I hope this quote offers hope to all my east coast sisters!

That's all!

Dinner: MacGyver Style

Beauty is an ecstasy, it is as simple as hunger.
-W. Somerset Maugham

Yesterday I packed up the dog and the baby and headed south again, another long trip with sketchy internet access. I am determined to do better on this trip, make sure no matter how difficult to keep training for the trail race in June, try to keep eating out and junk food to a minimum, and to post at least once a week; hopefully more.

Babou was intent on helping me pack which made everything go a little slower than usual,

and the day was pretty rainy which also slowed the process. However, my dear friend surprised me with a going-on-a-road-trip-gift: the soundtrack to my new favorite movie, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona." Do I have the best friends or what? It made the whole drive! It tinted my glasses a warm gold color as I drove, making everything more beautiful, mysterious, and a little foreign!


The road ended at my parents where I delivered Practical Sis, Mary Alice, and my birthday gift.

And then ran out the door and to the store to quickly shop and prepare her birthday dinner. It was 5:30 and they like to eat by 7 at the latest. The problem is my parents live in three houses, each with 1/4 of a kitchen. It was raining heavily and steadily by the time I got to their house, so I wanted to make everything in their house, not walk back and forth between them. Their house has a modified kitchen; a refrigerator, sink and the electric skillet they use to cook with. So that was my challenge for a special birthday dinner.

I got wine first, that always enhances everything you make, gauranteed! Then I got some garlic rosemary polenta (pre-made, in a roll). filet mignon, black peppercorns, canned pears, chocolate sauce, crispy oatmeal cookies (I had wanted meringue cookies, but they had none), and really good vanilla ice cream.

I rushed home and opened wine, fielded Babou, and started dinner while Mum caught up with Rescue Ranger who had called to wish her a happy birthday complete with an a cappella "Happy Birthday." (We have a tradition in our family of calling each other on our birthdays and singing as loudly and wildly as physically possible--even the dogs get into it, I have heard many a howl but really we get so into it it could be any of us for that matter!)

I first sliced the polenta into medallions, dusted them lightly in salt and pepper, and sauteed them in a little olive oil. Once those had cooked, I set them aside, covered, and then added more olive oil to the pan. I got it as hot as an electric skillet will get while I prepared the filets. I cracked the peppercorns and mixed them with seasalt dredging the filets through the mixture. I then seared the steaks, took them off to rest, and next prepared the sauce. I deglazed the skillet with about a 1/3 cup of pomegranite juice and let it reduce in half. Then I added maybe 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar and let that reduce in half again. I added a little salt and would have added a little butter to finish the sauce but they didn't have any so I just left it be and it was still quite good. I whipped up a little simple salad with a balsamic dressing and dinner was on the table!

For dessert, since I was too late to bake a cake or anything, I had decided to make a version of one my favorite desserts we used to serve at the restaurant I worked at during college. It was a scoop of vanilla ice cream sandwiched between two meringue cookies topped with a poached pear and covered in chocolate sauce--divine and easy! Couldn't find meringues to save my life so I used a crispy oatmeal cookie as the base, added a scoop of ice cream, and then topped it with a canned pear half and loads of sticky chocolate sauce! Candles were lit and singing wildly ensued and present opening after that!

I think our dear mother had a really wonderful birthday and was so pleased with all the phone calls and attention. That's what I love about birthdays and what makes me so avid about celebrating them, they can make you feel so amazing, beautiful, and loved. All of which our mother is...amazing, beautiful, and very much loved.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

I can't guarantee the lovemaking because I happen to be very moody.
Cristina, Vicki Cristina Barcelona

I had the great pleasure of watching Vicki Cristina Barcelona over the weekend, and have to say that if I could drink this film, I would; that if I could consume this film, I would. It is one of the most beautiful, sensual movies I have seen in a very long time. Now I say this with a disclaimer for movie buffs, I watch movies for very different reasons than maybe a lot of people watch movies. I am less interested in the story line than most. I watch movies for the background, for the houses the characters live in, the clothes they wear, the thoughts they think, the passion they express.

This movie fulfilled me completely in this way. It reminded me of traveling with girlfriends, of how different cultures hold different ideals, how art is valued much more highly in other cultures than our own (at least in my experience), how sexuality and love are often subjective and can be used as a catalyst to self knowledge and growth. How it feels to be free. The romance of unfulfilled love; that its incomplete nature is its beauty, it's charm.

I felt like I had gone somewhere after I had watched this movie. In a way, to a place very much like home to me as I have often felt more at home in other countries maybe because I grew up so much more on the fringes of American culture. Not only did I feel I had come home, I felt the well of my soul had been filled with beautiful images. I loved Juan Antonio's home, the pond, the garden, the way they ate, the style of life they lead. I absorbed it, soaked it up, and it made me feel as though I had gone somewhere without having to go anywhere. Which makes all the difference.

So...the big question is (if you've seen the movie) would you go to Orvieto?

Sweating My Prayers

The woods are lovely dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.
-Robert Frost


Finally I returned to the Dipsea Trail today after a two week respite. I did not stop training, but did miss the stairs that still have me up at night wondering why I am committing to this self torture. Today I was again reminded of the euphoric feelings associated with pushing yourself beyond what you thought possible and surviving to bask in the glow.

It was good for me to get out. It has been raining for most of the week and, while I have been busy and social, I have not actually gotten out of the house much. I have been overly introspective and have been drowning in the intensity of my own thoughts.

As I started out this morning, the rain catching droplets in my hair, I felt freer that I had in days. Running gets me out of my head; I run till I can't think anymore. Being physical balances me as nothing else can. At no other time is my mind as clear as it is after being wiped clean by the sheer force of my exhalations echoing my inhalations. Sometimes I actually feel I am running from my thoughts, running as fast as I can, knowing the strength of my legs can outlast my moods and my mind delivering me from their mire.

Today I got a babysitter, headed for the hills, and ran like hell. My thoughts caught back up with me, but they are softer now, and feel much freer. Running to your very end is the perfect antidote to overthinking.

Focus

A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes.
-Mahatma Ghandi

I have been thinking a lot about the question I posed to myself yesterday. Of course I would rather be anything but a hermit, but it is difficult to maintain your focus when you are in social situations.

Last night I picked up an old religious magazine I used to read a lot when I was younger, called "Science of Mind." I just felt down and needed some grounding. Leafing through the pages and re-absorbing the attitude of positive focus and release of worry, I realized how far I was from this way of being, a way of being I relied upon as a foundation for much of my life.

I realized the question I had posed to myself was not the right question, rather the real question was why was I focusing on the negative, or what I perceived to be the negative, and consequently creating more of it--actually creating a problem when there really isn't one. Most of the time it is within my power to eat sensibly and moderately. On the occasion that I am social, so what? I believe in living life and wouldn't be true if I denied myself. That is not what is causing me to keep the weight on, my focus on it is what is keeping the weight on.

As I dusted off my old positive thinking manuals, my old self was dusted off as well, one that I had been missing for a long time. It is interesting how you need to be reminded of certain things every day. Every day I need to remind myself to think on the brighter side, to be who I want to be instead of strive to be who I want to be, to DO what I want to do instead of wish for it, to move forward in belief, not doubt.

This may seem a far fetched realization but it makes sense to me. I was focusing on what wasn't working instead of what is and what can. I truly believe that what you focus on grows, that attention is everything. Attention is power.

Dieting Dilemmas

I eat merely to put food out of my mind
-N.F. Simpson

So one of my very best girlfriends came to visit me this weekend and we had grand times discussing life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. G is one of my oldest and dearest friends and, although we appear very different on the outside, we are secretly the same person. Or not so secretly.

In any case, we also share a birthday in common--practically--hers is a day before mine. Over the weekend we discussed our general unhappiness at the extra weight that seems to creep more and more easily onto female bodies as they round the bend from the twenties into the thirties.

So we decided to make a pact to lose 10 lbs by our birthdays in early April. Starting Sunday. As in two days ago. We decided to keep food journals and aim at a certain number of calories and fat grams. And to exercise smarter by varying our routines since we both already exercise very regularly.

It is much harder than I had anticipated. Sunday was alright but yesterday I hosted a dinner party for my much loved friend and former colleague T. I compensated earlier in the day keeping calories and fat to a minimum knowing that I would be eating a richer dinner. I thought ahead and told myself I could have smallish portions of the appetizers, dinner, dessert, and wine.

But you know how it goes. I ended up eating and drinking more than the allotted amount and had great fun and enjoyed it all. I figure that I will eat lightly today as well to compensate for last night.

I just have a hard time limiting myself at dinner parties and social gatherings because it's fun and I love food and wine and conversation. I get into it and completely forget the rules I have carefully laid for myself.

I find when I am alone and cooking just for myself and for my Babou I naturally eat moderately and healthfully and start to lose weight. But as soon as I am cooking for My Old Man or for guests or going out then it all goes out the window. It seems I have a hard time being social and eating normally.

I wonder, do I have to be a hermit to lose weight? (I feel very Carrie Bradshaw.) To be continued...

Transient thoughts

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.
-Annie Dillard

Ahh...finally home again! Babou, Loco O and I got back from our road trip Friday afternoon and have been settling in and having friends over much of the weekend. It is so good to be home and get back to a routine for a bit before we go back to visit the Old Man again. All this traveling takes a toll on me sometimes. I keep waiting somehow for my life to even out to begin taking things seriously, like my diet, writing, and running. But I have to realize these things have to be portable because my life is portable and this is the way we live.

It keeps one flexible for sure. I realize that I just have to think about it a bit. Trying to write on the road was much easier with a laptop but still difficult as the places I stayed didn't have internet access. So much of the time it proved too inconvenient to post. So I didn't, but I think next time I will still write and then post when I have the chance. No excuses.

Also, I ate way too much and ate out more than was necessary. Sometimes it was unavoidable, but much of the time it wasn't. My Old Man's place has a kitchen and I could have cooked more. The reservation he is staying on has really great local produce and I should have taken more advantage of that. Next time I will make myself lunches to eat on the road so as to avoid the fast food slippery slope.

Keeping up with running was hard. I kept up the minimum but with all the time in the car it was really hard. And now it is raining so much that I can't go running with Babou at all and am having to do these horridly cheesy aerobics tapes and hop up and down in my living room! My daughter looks confused, my dog scared!

But, overall, I am so glad I went on this trip. I had a great time for Valentine's Day, got to see both Sophia Katrina and Practical Sis and play with their little ones. ElleBee and I got to check out my alma mater and Cal Poly and practiced driving! I got to meet Jenn at Juggling life AND Yo from Write on Yo! Very cool! And I love road trips, who am I kidding?

I just realize more and more that this is my life and that it is not changing and that I do like it, I like that I get to go places and do different things, I have always loved traveling. But I do realize that it is harder with an entourage than alone and that I can no longer wait until "Monday" to start my diet and exercise goals. That life starts now and doesn't stop. THis is my life and I have to do what I love and is important to me everyday rain to shine traveling or not. Every day presents itself as an opportunity and challenge and I just have to do the best I have with what I've got and be consistent. These are my thoughts and goals this wintry Monday morning.