Our aspirations are our possibilities.
Yesterday I visited two of my favorite places: the Library and Rite Aide. Why my faves? Because both of these places give me the feeling of unlimited possibility. Maybe if I just get that one book, it will be just what I needed and I will become enlightened, successful, brilliant.... I always feel as though the antidote to whatever form of ennui I am currently experiencing can be found amongst the bookcases. Even the smell of the library excites this sense of possibility--the scent of books magnified by their sheer numbers and proximity.
It is the same whenever I step inside Rite Aide. I look down the beauty aisles, stopping slowly to ponder the lipsticks. Perhaps this is the day I will find my ultimate shade, that shade that makes me look at once more bright eyed and heavy lidded. The color that will complement all my features and work seamlessly from day to night--albeit this concept of "day to night" is much different now with children, mostly I just need "day," "night" meaning mostly "asleep."
Then down the hair aisle. Perhaps I should try a color on my hair, highlights? Perhaps that is just the lift I need, instantly transforming into the beauty I know is sleeping somewhere in the depths of me, just waiting for the right magic wand to awaken! Could that wand be masquerading as a L'Oreal highlighting kit?
Fake tan, perhaps? Maybe that is what I need more than a highlighter kit! Maybe that's the magic wand, liberal amounts of fake tan. Or maybe both? Then I would really look different, more exotique, more mystérieux, and très jolie?
In the end, I usually leave the library with an armload of books, mainly self-help, that I will read exactly four pages of each before getting a serious attack of ADD and returning them all in fear of late fees. And Rite Aide, I generally pick out the same shade of lipstick that, although does not act as a magic wand, neither washes me out nor startles children or small animals...or my husband who staunches opposes most changes to my appearance.
But, like an old friend, I know the very next time I walk into the library or stroll the beauty aisle of Rite Aide, that feeling of possibility will faithfully return. I will again catch the fleeting vision of a new, more self-aware, successful me who is, of course, wearing the perfect shade of lipstick and a tan from the aisle of Olay!